CUT Extra: Feliciano's Thoughts

Four years. It's been four years, right?

It's funny, I thought if I'd just finished it I would be happy and I wouldn't have to worry about anything.

I am happy. Worried? Well, I've got away with murder for four years now. I guess I'm just calm.

The calmest I've ever been in a long time. No alcohol, no pills... Just me and the music that plays on repeat everyday.

Although, I think Lovino knows. I think he's known for a while and hasn't said anything about it. You would think I'd be worried about that. Being paranoid isn't my biggest problem.

When I'm asleep, and only when I'm asleep, I keep having this recurring dream. Dark hallway, doors on each side, and I can hear nothing but the screams and pain as I got closer to the light at the end.

I remember that the hallway I was walking down was the one in the mental hospital I was in. Walking from my room on down to the open doors as the rest of the people screamed, dreaming to get out of their rooms.

As I got closer I would start to feel weak and cry. Sometimes I would fall over nothing but get back up again. I wanted to leave, I wanted to escape but something held me back. Whenever I was close to walking through the doors I would wake up, lying there in bed as I tried to move. It always took a long time before I could sit up or get out of bed.

Though, last night.

Last night was different.

Last night the dreamed stated out... Creepy.

I walked out of my room but the lights were all on and no one was there. Maybe a little bit more creepier than my other ones. As I walked, each door showed a moment Ludwig and I shared. It scared me. I started running until I was finally at the doors. But I didn't wake up.

The light coming from the door shined brighter than ever. I slowly walked through it hoping that this would finally end this terrible dream. But walking through those doors was a mistake.

I saw him. I saw his last moments of being alive.

He didn't drink it.

He never took a sip of the drink I gave him.

Ludwig sat at his bed looking down at a picture of us together. It was an older picture. One we took while we were first dating in high school. We snuck out that night to meet each other by this lack we used to go to.

I couldn't hear anything nor could I interact with him. I could only stand there and watch as he took out a case of pills. Unknown to me, they didn't look like any I've seen before. He held the picture of us in one hand and took a massive amount of pills with the other.

My eyes got bigger as I cried. He head slump down and he relaxed. After a while later he fell over on the floor after his breathing stopped.

The tears began to flow faster. Ludwig killed himself. A part of me felt pissed but even more of me couldn't stand see him do that to himself.

I tried going to him. I wanted... I wanted to hug him. But I woke up after that. Still laying there in bed, I felt confused. My chest and legs hurt as I moved off the bed.

I went over to the window and just sat there. For a good three hours I sat there and cried. Regretting everything and wishing I knew what he had sad.

I just wanted to know what he said.